1Hello, and welcome to "Under Pressure Enterprises", Customer Service Department.
2This is Kelly. How may I help you?
3Yes, I'm calling about one of your rice cookers I just purchased.
4What seems to be the problem, sir?
5Seems? There's no seeming about it!
6The blasted thing shoots hot steam all over the place, that's what!
7It nearly scalded my hand when I went to open it.
8While it could have killed the cat or something. It could have exploded and killed my wife and me!
9Sir, sir, please calm down.
10As long as the steam escapes the cooker, it won't explode.
11So you're telling me there's no problem!
12Are you calling me a liar?
13Sir, no one is calling you a liar.
14Yes! So I demand a full refund!
15Under Pressure will be happy to refund your money, sir.
16Now I just need some basic information.
17OK, OK. Sorry. I do tend to get a little hot under the collar.
18My wife tells me to slow down...
19So, what do you need to know?
20Sir, don't worry. I just need to ask you the model number of the cooker.
21Hmmm...
22where are my glasses? Ah, here!
23Let's see...
24It's R242.
25R242? OK.
26And how much did you pay for the product?
2789.99 pounds.
28It was on sale, I guess I should tell you.
29Thank you, that's honest of you.
30Now, where did you buy the cooker?
31Which store and which branch?
32At that big Electric Life appliance store downtown.
33The City Centre Branch?
34That's the one.
35And you say the problem is that the steam escapes?
36Yes, it does!
37No problem, sir.
38If there's steam escaping, clearly the cooker is broken or defective.
39So we have an R242 cooker with an escaping steam problem.
40It was bought from Electric Life's City Centre Branch for 89.99.
41Is that correct?
42Yes, that is correct.
43Oh, I nearly forgot. When did you buy the cooker?
44Just as soon as my wife got the crazy idea she'll live longer if she stops eating good English food: roast beef and mash.
45No, all she says she wants is rice and vegetables and sauces you'd not soak your feet in!
46Sir, sir! When did you buy it?
47Oh, there I go again. Let's see...
48we bought it just 6 months ago!
49We hardly used it either.
50But 6 months? Is that too long?
51I mean for the warranty?
52Very well, that's well within the warranty period.
53Now, what's your name and address?
54Name and address! What for?
55Sir, it is company policy. If you want your money, you must inform me.
56Money you say?
57Oh, my name is Herbert Hewitt and my address is 84 Park Road.
58Is that here in Coventry?
59Yes.
60The postal code is B0241DJ.
61But I don't think sending things in the mail is very secure or very efficient.
62I mean...
63Don't worry, Mr. Hewitt, don't worry.
64We can credit the money to your credit card.
65You do have one, don't you?
66Yes, that's how we paid for the cooker.
67Oh, yes. We still have the number on the computer.
68I only need to ask your card's expiry date.
69I'm afraid I never give that sort of information out.
70I mean, once you have that, anyone could go charging things and...
71Sir! I said your expiry date, not your card's password.
72Oh, er, yes. Foolish me.
73Of course, you didn't say "password".
74Let's see.
75That will be April 2008.
76April 2008.
77Very well, your card still has nearly 2 months left to go.
78We'll get that refund right to you, probably by 5 o'clock this evening.
79You had better!
80If I don't get my money...
81wait, wait. Yes, I know I'm losing my temper again.
82I really am sorry.
83I haven't had my medicine today.
84And sir, just one more question for our record.
85How often do you go shopping at the City Centre Branch?
86Oh, well it's hard to say.
87I suppose maybe once a month.
88But I can tell you this, if I don't get my refund, I'll never shop there again!
89Oh.. I think it's time to start looking for another job!