1Continuing our broadcast of public service announcements,
2Worldwide Helpers announces upcoming vacancies for a number of volunteer worker positions.
3All applicants must meet the following requirements.
4First of all, applicants must be over 18 years of age.
5The company apologises, but there can be no exceptions to this rule.
6Second, persons interested in these positions may not have police records.
7Minor traffic offences like a parking ticket are, of course, no problem.
8But, and I quote, "past and present drug users and sex offenders" need not apply.
9The employer will, of course, check with the police to verify your clean record.
10In addition, applicants must supply references from past or present employers or teachers along with their recent CV.
11These references must testify as to the applicant's work habits and/or character.
12Remember, these are references from employers or teachers.
13A note from your dear old Mum won't do.
14Worldwide Helpers assures me that they will contact these references to confirm they are genuine.
15Although all positions are volunteer, the employer will reimburse some of your expenses.
16For example, they will pay for transportation to and from the job site.
17Aside from that, the cost of phone calls is covered.
18As for the positions themselves, there are three types.
19The first involves assisting persons confined to wheelchairs.
20For this position, volunteers must be physically fit and in excellent health.
21They must be able to lift at least 150 pounds.
22They should also have a current First Aid certificate from the Red Cross.
23But the most important requirement is that the volunteer must have his own car.
24On Tuesday afternoons, the volunteers take their clients to various scenic spots around the city to experience and enjoy nature.
25If you don't drive, but you'd still like to get involved,
26the centre has a number of openings for people to read to the blind.
27Readers must, of course, read English clearly.
28Persons with no foreign accent are preferred.
29For these positions, you must be available on Monday mornings.
30Oh, wait, I see a note here.
31There is one opening for someone who can read Urdu.
32Apparently, there is a Pakistani blind person who'd like to hear his or her native language.
33But the other positions are all in English.
34And finally, there are a limited number of volunteers needed to care for disabled children.
35I'm sorry, but the information I've been given does not say how many children or what disabilities they have.
36In any case, you are needed to care for the children for one week in August.
37Apparently, this will be at the close of the summer holiday.
38I would guess this involves helping them with the routine chores of daily life.
39Again, volunteers for this position must know basic First Aid,
40be in good health, and be able to lift up to 75 pounds.
41All applications for this position have to be submitted no later than Monday, August 8th.
42Applications may be made either by a regular postal service - the "snail mail" - or by e-mail.
43The mailing address is Worldwide Helpers, Post Office Box 651,
44East Surrey BY8 99C.
45Please write "ATTENTION: Mary Smith" on the envelope.
46Or you can send e-mail to
47acrawfor@worldwidehelpers.org.
48That's A-C-R-A-W-F-O-R
49@worldwidehelpers.org
50So get out there and do something good!
51OK, our next announcement is looking for someone to "facilitate" tiger breeding at the London Zoo.
52And, get this, it's a "strictly volunteer" position.
53That means you don't get paid!
54Oh my God...
55I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, but I just have to laugh...