1Right, Sandra.
2You wanted to see me to get some feedback on your group's proposal.
3The one you're submitting for the Geography Society field trip competition.
4I've had a look through your proposal and I think it's a really good choice.
5In fact, I only have a few things to say about it, but...
6even in an outline document like this,
7you really have to be careful to avoid typos and problems with layout in the proposal,
8and even in the contents page.
9So read it through carefully before submitting it, okay?
10Will do.
11And, I've made a few notes on the proposal about things which could have been better sequenced.
12Okay.
13As for the writing itself,
14I've annotated the proposal as and where I thought it could be improved.
15Generally speaking, I feel you've often used complex structures and long sentences for the sake of it
16and as a consequence....
17although your paragraphing and inclusion of sub-headings help...
18it's quite hard to follow your train of thought at times.
19So cut them down a bit, can you?
20Really?
21Yes. And don't forget simple formatting like numbering.
22Didn't I use page numbers?
23I didn't mean that.
24Look, you've remembered to include headers and footers, which is good,
25but listing ideas clearly is important.
26Number them or use bullet points, which is even clearer.
27Then you'll focus the reader on your main points.
28I thought your suggestion to go to the Navajo Tribal Park was a very good idea.
29I've always wanted to go there.
30My father was a great fan of cowboy films and the Wild West
31so I was subjected to seeing all the epics,
32many of which were shot there.
33As a consequence, it feels very familiar to me
34and it's awesome both geographically and visually,
35so it's somewhere I've always wanted to visit.
36The subsequent research I did
37and the online photographs made me even keener.
38Interesting.
39Right, let's look at the content of your proposal now.
40Did you find it comprehensive enough?
41Well, yes and no.
42You've listed several different topics on your contents page,
43but I'm not sure they're all relevant.
44No?
45Well, I thought that from the perspective of a field trip,
46one thing I needed to focus on was the sandstone plateau and cliffs themselves.
47The way they tower up from the flat landscape is just amazing.
48The fact that the surrounding softer rocks were eroded by wind and rain,
49leaving these huge outcrops high above the plain.
50It's hardly surprising that tourists flock to see the area.
51Well, yes.
52I'd agree with including those points...
53And then the fact that it's been home to native American Navajos
54and all the social history that goes with that.
55The hardships they endured trying to save their territory from the invading settlers.
56Their culture is so rich - all those wonderful stories.
57Well, I agree it's interesting, but...
58it's not immediately relevant to your proposal, Sandra, so...
59at this stage, I suggest you focus on other considerations.
60I think an indication of what the students on the trip could actually do when they get there
61should be far more central,
62so that certainly needs to be included and to be expanded upon.
63And I'd like to see something about the local wildlife, and vegetation too,
64not that I imagine there's much to see.
65Presumably the tourist invasion hasn't helped.
66Okay, I'll do some work on those two areas as well.
67But you're right, there's not much apart from some very shallow-rooted species.
68Although it's cold and snowy there in the winter,
69the earth is baked so hard in the summer sun that rainwater can't penetrate.
70So it's a case of flood or drought, really.
71So, I understand.
72Now, before we look at everything in more detail,
73I've got a few factual questions for you.
74It would be a good idea to include the answers in your finished proposal,
75because they're missing from your draft.
76Fine.
77So, you mentioned the monoliths and the spires, which was good,
78but what area does the tribal park cover?
79Do you know?
8012,000 hectares,
81and the plain is at about 5,850 metres above sea level.
82Larger than I expected.
83Okay.
84Where's the nearest accommodation?
85That's a practical detail that you haven't included.
86Have you done any research on that?
87Yes.
88There's nowhere to stay in the park itself,
89but there's an old trading post called Goulding quite near.
90All kinds of tours start from Goulding, too.
91What kind of tours?
92Well, the most popular are in four-wheel drive jeeps -
93but I wouldn't recommend hiring those.
94I think the best way to appreciate the area would be to hire horses instead
95and trek around on those.
96Biking is not allowed
97and it's impossible to drive around the area in private vehicles.
98The tracks are too rough.
99Okay, lastly. What else is worth visiting there?
100There are several caves,
101but I haven't looked into any details.
102I'll find out about them.
103Okay, good.
104Now what I'd like to know is...